Half Past the witching hour and a quarter to her bedtime... she waits.

Five hours too late for him.

Sad, soft strains about secret gardens and walnut trees seep through her headphones,

And a silk black sky swirls outside her window.

She waits.

Wishing. Hoping. Thinking. Dreaming.

Murky memories, resilient reveries.

She waits.

Wondering what he’s wearing, what his beautiful mind is weaving.. as he sleeps.

The sleep of fatigued muscled, a fragmented heart and flying with the shadows all day.

She remembers five bands of silver, one each for the voices in her head,

That once lay entwined around his finger.

They are no longer there, but the voices stayed on... unwelcome guests, personality parasites.

She waits.

Wanting to wake him.

Yearning to take him and break him.

Still he sleeps ... unaware, unconscious.

Unaltered by her submission of rules and pride.

Unseeing of his ability to break her stride.

Unbranded by her and tainted by his past.

He sleeps.

Faultless in her eyes, featuring in her future, forever imprinted in her fabric.

Five hours between them.

And still .. she waits.

 

Skaz..... This one’s for u jaan.

 

 

You prepare to set off for a strange city 30 days from today. Sin city. A city that never sleeps and now you cant either. For 30 days is but a singular, fleeting moment from the right now, right here.

We’ll buy your bling, pack your bags and have one last expensive dinner. Cut to the airport scene... the goodbye takes the form of a quick hug, no tears, three friends and the lovers amidst them. There can be no expression of love and no promises of forever. The scene must be what it is...sterile, stark, strange. Religion, lies and paternal ties demand it. We shall comply.

Final boarding call. Continents, oceans, time zones and a few blockbuster movies  later. Welcome to JFK.

Immigration. Islamic terrorism. Verification. Freedom. Step onto the sidewalk hail a yellow cab. Welcome to New York. Welcome to the Big Apple. Welcome to the loneliness.

And there she is.

She is the woman who just brushed by you on a busy street, long black hair and lavender scarf. She is the scent of the underage hooker on the sidewalk, Satsuma and baby lotion.

She is the hands of the old woman smoking a cigarette, Marlboro lights. She is the sound of a blaring radio set, death cab for cutie. She is the image of the spray can graffiti on the wall, Japanese anime. She is you. She is the city.

You check the time. Time to move on with your life. Times square... central, colossal, colorful crap. The billboards they blind you with the jigsaw puzzle that they form of her body.

You take a breath, but now you cant recall and you cant forget. Take a breath. Take a breath.

Take a walk. Central park... decrepit, deranged, derogatory. She is the face of the bum you look at with disgust. Her hands are the shiver that runs down your spine. Together, yours is the child in the stroller.

She is your stock market, your Left wing politics, your New York minute, your Big Apple.

THE cliche of a broken home and the fallacy of friendships. Escapeisms of clear cold vodka and hot steamy showers. ONE night stands that end in orange juice for breakfast and you falling in love. Yearning for a long committed relationship that is subsituted by long, hard runs. Sweaty gym clothes over racy thongs.THREE days in bed and a line of cocaine. Literature from a chatroom and conversations with the voices in your head. LIVE life on the edge, roll with the punches. Transatlantic midnight calls because he loves you so much. Early morning booty calls because you could'nt give a fuck. THE heady decadence of rock n roll and an intelligent mind. WARM fuzzy feelings from a boy that calls you "sunshine". FAKE shrinks and deep therapy by lies. LONG days and oh so silent nights.

so... welcome to the club.

after much thought and coercion from my favourite person in the world, i have decided to go public... to let it all out...to be horridly exposed.

As the blog is under construction you will forgive the insanity that goes with. I'm vaguely technologically challenged so getting around the www and the computer is a bit of an ordeal.

That said... be cool and hope baby!